I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
