it wasn't lemon gatorade
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
