So drunk its hurt
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
