so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize