Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
