Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
