I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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