I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize