doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
