drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
