yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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