Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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