That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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