She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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