that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
