So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
