literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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