There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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