Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
