Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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