I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
