party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
