I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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