Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i think my cat just said my name.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
