I can text with my tongue
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
