someone get that fucking seahorse.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
