hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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