I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Couch. On fire.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
