I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
