shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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