yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize