ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
