Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize