she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
