Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
