I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
