Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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