if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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