i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
