Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
