i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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