what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
