called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am spending my child support on dildos
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
