i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize