Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize