woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
