i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize