She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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