so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
