I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
