I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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