We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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