Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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