I am puke
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
