all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
