thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
