I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
