I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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