i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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