This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
