I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
