remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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