i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
