i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
