Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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