your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize