Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
