Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
