do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
