I wannas sexs uuuuu
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
