why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
