think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
