im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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