you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize