I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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