the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
