That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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