the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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