you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
