My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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