I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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