Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
