i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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