GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
