I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
