watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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