Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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