Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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