i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
