There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
