Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
