I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize