I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
